Mirror Talk

Have you ever thought about the image that you see in the mirror? The image of ourselves that we see is the same ‘us’, but each time we take a look we see ourselves differently according to our circumstances. On a wedding day you might see a beautiful bride, dressed in all her glory. But when she glimpsed in the mirror early that morning she possibly looked at a mess. She was having her hair done that morning so it badly needed cutting, she hadn't put her make up on and she looked tired and dishevelled. You could almost hear her say, “Am I going to look OK? I'm a mess what is he going to think?”    

The   mirror  on the wall can also be cruel as we get older. I well remember the feeling of horror when I noticed that my beard was going grey. It didn't take me long  to decide that I needed a clean shave. The truth is that the mirror shows us every fault and blemish.

What do we do when we look in the mirror? I’m sure that most of us are anything but passive. “What a mess…I hate myself…if only I didn't have my  protruding teeth…” We can in fact be exceedingly cruel to ourselves and our own worse critic - particularly as we live in a competitive world. Most women like  to look attractive and have a certain amount of sex appeal, and many men like to think of themselves as God’s answer to women. Also there is a pressure to look good at work particularly if you want promotion.  The sad thing is that the media often add to the pressure and make us dissatisfied with who we are. Female newsreaders are often laid aside as they get older and males often have difficulty finding jobs as pensionable age draws nearer.

What is the answer to this dilemma and does it have to be this way? The truth is that the image that we see in the mirror on the wall  is not only influenced by our circumstances but also by our internal dialogue. In other words it is shaped by the things that we say to ourselves when we use the mirror. An interesting experiment is to write a list over a week of the thoughts that come to you each time you look in a mirror. Which of the following people do you associate with? Are you Mr. or Ms Negative or Positive? Do you see a glass half full or half empty? You may find that you are a mixture of both.

If you have a tendency to be your own worst critic  you are probably judging yourself against other people. The bible teaches that we are all made and loved by God and therefore special because of who we are. Look for your positive traits and make a point of speaking them out loud when you look in the mirror. We might not be looking perfect, but beauty is not just about physical appearance. 

If Human Life is sacred then what really counts is who we are. A friend of ours had numerous health issues and was in a wheel chair. He was in a mess physically but was one of the most generous people I have known. He made the most of what he had, and because of his character had a great deal to offer in being an encouragement to those around him. Are we Mr/Ms Negative or Positive? .It is important that if we are to live successfully  we change our self talk to reflect the way that God views us and he views us as special and made in his image.

Be Creative and Create a New Life

Are you one of those people who are dissatisfied with your life or achievements? If this is you then maybe you need to reinvent yourself and make a new start. Many of us have a need for more confidence if we are to achieve our aims and ambitions in life. Here are some ideas and resources that may help. Remember you can create a new life. Just be creative! It is easier than you think.

I am sure that we have all read articles that advise us to look in the mirror and smile. Personally I find that rather amusing as I have just lost one of my front teeth and until the dentist does her job and makes a new crown, smiling is unlikely to help my self confidence!

However, we are all more insecure than we think and there really is much truth in that simple tip - perhaps even for me. When we smile it symbolizes an acceptance of self, who we are and what we have achieved. Try thinking of your strong points and then smile at yourself. All of us have achieved more than we dare to admit and reminding ourselves is a good way of building our self confidence.

Creating a new life is not about following the example of Mr Polly in the book by H.G. Wells. He feigned his death in order to be free to live life without the restrictions of the past. The better way by far is to become the person you want to be.

If you have never done so, you may find it helpful to write down an image of the sort of person you want to be. What sort of clothes do you want to wear? Where do you want to go and what sort of things you want to do with your life? Change is never easy but you can be creative and create a new lifestyle. I will be writing more posts on how to facilitate this type of change, and how you can create the person that you want to be.

To begin with, however, make a list of your strengths and weak points; begin to appreciate the former and tell yourself you will overcome the latter. You will need a clear vision of what sort of person you want to be, and this will give you some of the motivation needed. Try doing this creatively; paint a picture symbolizing the fulfillment of your visions and goals - for example, if you want to be a good golfer, paint a picture of yourself putting the ball into the hole. If you don't feel like painting, write a poem or story to convey this picture, or simply close your eyes and imagine it as vividly as possible. Use as much detail as you can muster- what clothes will you be wearing, who else is in the picture, what is the weather like... Don't be afraid to be creative about the sort of person that you want to become. Every one of us can develop the tools to create a new life!

It may be helpful to read some self help books. Having been through a midlife crisis I made a point of reading a good number. It is true that there are some books that can only be described as 'wacky'! However there are also those that are helpful so choose carefully the books that you read.

Remember be creative and create a new lifeCreativity is the key to your new improved life, and yes! you can become the person that you want to be.

New Hobby

Create a New Life - Thoughts

A few years ago I decided to look around for new interests and hobbies. If you are a workaholic this might not be so easy, but all the more reason to encourage yourself to do so.

One of the things I found useful was thinking back to my younger days and looking at what interested me then. We might have moved on from playing with dolls or toy soldiers, but examining our past is a good way of rediscovering our interests.

For me the discovery that I used to enjoy art appreciation and photography sparked two new interests. Also I recently heard of a man in mid life who joined a punk rock group as that was what he had been into when he was younger. What ever we have enjoyed in the past may be a key to future hobbies and interests.

Living a balance lifestyle is better for our health, so consider the broader perspective. Sometimes it is good to just have fun as I did when I created Lippo.

Well I never did claim to be an artist!

How to succeed

What is it that holds you back and prevents you from achieving? What are the keys to help us live a successful life? I think it is true to say that we can be our own friend or foe. We all have beliefs about ourselves that tend to determine our circumstances. Many of these we pick up by osmosis from friends, family and peer group. The question is, does what you believe hinder or help you to achieve success in your life?

Meet my hero Einstein. He was told by his teacher that he would never achieve anything in life. Had he listened to that advice he probably would have done just that and achieved nothing. Einstein's confidence in his own abilities prevented him from buying into that advice. Well we’ve all heard of Einstein, but who knows much about his teacher??

How many of us have been told by well-meaning teachers that we can’t achieve - be it in Maths, singing, science or any other subject. Just because we couldn't do Maths then, it doesn't mean that we can’t do it now. Has a teacher or parent affected what you believe about yourself and your abilities? Make a list of these and decide that you are not going to be tied up by them.

When computers first came out I remember thinking I would never be good at using a computer. I was not very technically minded and had not been good at science. This was a limiting belief and until I recognised this truth and determined I was going to become computer literate, I couldn't make progress. Why should we let our teachers determine the rest of our lives? Their comments were only based on what they perceived then.

However we do not need others to teach us limiting beliefs. We can in fact be deceived by ourselves. Perhaps you have tried to play a musical instrument but everybody made progress and you didn't. Maybe you have failed in your chosen career and have decided that you are a failure.

The key to making progress in life is not to let your weakness or past experience do the thinking for you. Just because you have failed doesn't t make you a failure. Maybe music isn't your cup of tea, but that doesn't mean you can’t succeed if you want to. Sometimes failure is the spur that we need for a new try.

As we get older the opportunities available to us decline. It may be that we regret some of the decisions we made or the opportunities missed. It is not always possible to put the clock back and sometimes our cherished dreams perish because of ill health or impossible circumstances.

I have found it helpful to see every day as a brand new beginning. Whilst it is true that we have a history that has created our present situation we must let go of the past and move on. Life is what we make of it now and how we respond to our present life situation is more important than what we actually do. Never let the past determine your thinking about the future.

In today's society we value things like power, status and finance but the bible suggest that what really counts is that we grow in character and virtue. Are we honourable in the way that we act and behave? Do we approach the difficulties of life with the heroism and determination to make the most of what we have got? When I was diagnosed with Parkinson's I realised that I had a choice. I could either bemoan my lot in life or I could make the most of the health and opportunities that I enjoy.

Don't let age, health, or circumstances limit your self belief. And above all, do not be limited by what others have said about you!

Come back to this site to find out more about the beliefs we should have about ourselves .

Yes you can!

Are you one of those people that thinks of yourself as too ordinary to do something great? If you do then the good news is that you are probably the type of person that can be empowered by God to make a difference in this world!

1 Corinthians 1 verse 27

Who were the people in the Bible that God chose? Yes it was ordinary people like you and me. We see many examples of this in the Bible. Look at  Gideon. When the angel of the Lord appeared to him he just wanted to hide away but God saw him as having potential and the angel of the Lord referred to  him as a ‘mighty man of God’.

In the Corinthian passage those who were not significant in the world were the ones chosen. Think of the disciples - they were not influential people, they were not important in the sight of men but rather they were ordinary people that were eking out a living in various ways. Peter of course was a fisherman.

Does this mean that God isn't interested in celebrities, politicians or people who have achieved great things? Of course he is but we do not have to be great or important in the eyes of people in order to qualify to be used by God. According to this passage God often chooses the disempowered and the people who have not achieved great things in this life.

Why does God do this? God doesn't choose the disempowered because he wants them to stay that way, but because he wants them to become great and influential. The disciples were taught and empowered  by Jesus himself and many of them were significant in the growth of the early church.

The problem is that often people who are natural achievers often think that they don't need God and have all the resources that they need in themselves. What they forget is that those natural resources come from God because he is the creator who gave them those gifts and also the opportunities to develop them. If you are one of these people be thankful for who you are but remember that what you have comes from God and that you need his blessing on all that you do.

God wants us to trust in his power so that we can boast in the Lord - 

1 Corinthians 1 verse 31.

Whether you are a natural achiever or you think of yourself as an ordinary person then you are the prime candidate for the Holy Spirit  to do something amazing within you. Do not be satisfied with being ordinary but aim to move forward from that lowly position and become the person you were created to be.

Unboxing the Church

There is always a tendency in churches to put people into boxes and there is often a security in allowing this to happen. Have you noticed how people like to sit in the same place? There is something reassuring about doing things we have always done.

In recent years the church has been challenged with many new ideas and in particular the influence of feminism. This has affected what we believe and also church government and practice. The church I attend has ladies on its leadership team. Just imagine what Matthew Henry would have thought about that! Also Christian women are ordained in many churches and what is often referred to as ‘gender inclusivity’ is part of Church life. Feminism has even affected theology and liturgy in the sense that in some of the more liberal churches have in some cases referred to God as ‘mother’ and God is perceived as containing both male and female personality characteristics. Although it is often assumed that God is above gender.

Recently people have challenged the so-called ‘feminisation of the church’ brought about by the growing influence of women. They say that men don’t come to church because we sing love songs to Jesus and value virtues such as love, faithfulness and peace. Also I heard one speaker mimic so-called ‘feminised’ men who do office jobs and not a ‘real man’s’ work. Apparently a real man is somebody who likes sport and does DIY.

I wish all this was exaggerated. It is also an alarming misunderstanding of the nature of God and the people he has created. It fails to relate the gospel to the nature of the modern world. It also fails to address the issue of why many men don’t go to church. It is ultimately an attempt to put back the clock and it betrays a reluctance to move forward and meet the needs of today’s society.

For years Christianity has played down and suppressed the role of women and the recent changes have gone somewhere towards redressing the balance. No wonder so many men are throwing their teddies out of the pram at the suggestion!

Women played an important part in the early Christian community and it is thought that they were then side-lined by men. Throughout history the church has interpreted Christianity from a male perspective and women were regarded by many (including Mathew Henry) as second class citizens.

What about the arguments regarding the culture of the church? Some of these arguments sound plausible till we start thinking more deeply. How many men who don’t come to church know that we sometimes sing love songs to Jesus? And are the differences between male and female characteristics as clear cut as they would like to imagine? Do all men like football and all women go gooey over babies? Of course not - we are all different!

I have recently seen an advert for a beer firm claiming it sponsors ‘real men’s TV’. However what are the qualities that define a real man? Sometimes it takes courage to go against popular culture - as is expressed in the comment, ‘Are you man enough to wear pink?’ Some of our best celebrities are not always traditional males - particularly in the realm of art and culture. Even in science we can be forgiven for thinking that Einstein was a geek!

How does all this ‘pseudo-machismo’ make the man feel who is ridiculed for having a more feminine tone of voice, or just happens to like more sedentary pursuits like reading? I do wonder how some of these ‘real men’ would cope if they actually found themselves lost in a jungle, or washed up on a desert island. I doubt if many 21st century city dwellers would survive that well, however much they love football!

The truth is that sex stereotyping binds people and puts them into boxes. Many of the saints in the bible were people who stepped outside the box and lived out their faith in the changing circumstances of history. The prophets challenged legalism and advocated justice and related their faith to the changing circumstances of the day. God has made each one of us individual and uses our varied and distinctive personalities to express a different aspect of the divine nature. Our difference is not a challenge to the expectations that surround us but rather sets us free to be ourselves. Never submit to those that would stereotype you and place you in a box. Be free to be yourself!

More thoughts on this next time!

The Cost of Leadership

In the 19th century there were many people with genuine leadership qualities, who invested in all sorts of innovations and massive projects. Today we like to play it safe, keep the shareholders happy and have health and safety regulations taken to extreme. This is not all bad and these things need to be taken into account. However a true leader or entrepreneur is one who steps out and take risks. The lifestyle  we enjoy today is based on the risks and hard work of people in the past. Scientific progress, medical science and the infrastructure that we enjoy are all based on these sacrifices.   

If you want to be a leader then like the shepherd in the day of Jesus you need to be up at the front. The shepherd did not go far ahead of his sheep but he kept there out in front. Taking the lead is not just a matter of looking important, but being prepared to take risks and to be the first to enter into new territory. Christopher Columbus dared to venture into new territories and risked starvation, disease or drowning before discovering America. History is littered with people who discovered or did something for the first time and these leaders set us an example today. Are we prepared to take risks in order to initiate change?

There is nothing wrong with being a manager and sometimes we need people who run things smoothly and make the most of the situation as it is. However society and church need people who think outside of the box and are prepared to try out new ideas. However the shepherd was only just ahead of his sheep and it is always important to implement change gradually and lead people forward one step at a time. It is also  important not to change for the sake of changing . If you are a true leader you will sensitively be able to lead people forward into new areas. A leader is only a leader if others are following.